Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Friday, August 17, 2012

Psm 88

You battered my heart, Three Person God, with such voracity when I was young, that my ears fell deaf to all other forms of Love.  I have lamented now, for years, to hear the beat of your Love as I once had, the drum shutting in my heart from the cruelties of a world I don't understand.  I've mourned the dark night of my soul for so long now, watching as the rhythm slowly faded to a silence, and the darkness crept upon me like a whisper.
I am poured out like water.  
In the midst now of my own existential loneliness, I can reflect clearly upon this feeling of abandonment, and see it for what it is.  You have blinded me to your presence, which I once felt utterly consumed by, so that I may be aware of my own.  I must not wander through this valley as a ghost, anxiously awaiting you to call me Home, but I must experience this place, in its fullness, in all that you have made for us by your glory.  
I must live; I must hurt; I must love.  
My actions will be my prayers to you, my Love: your glorification.  I will forever love you with my whole soul, and I know that you love each of us with a power beyond my imaginings, but la noche oscura del alma is upon me now, as it seems to be upon the world itself, and instead of shrinking from it, instead of feeling sorrow for myself and loneliness for lack of you, I now choose to embrace it.  I will never stop loving you, but I will begin to try and love this world with the same contentment that I've only ever found in you.  For this world is but a manifestation of your glory, and in the clouds, and in the streams, and in the people, I will find your face. 
Selah. 
As you have loved me, so will I love.  Only then will the stone be rolled away, only then can I place my fingers in your side and be transformed.


As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.  If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Curiosity:




There are no beautiful surfaces without a terrible depth.

Monday, July 30, 2012

I cried everyday for months after the attack.  I've heard people say they've cried until they ran out of tears, but that's not what really happens.  I can still conjure tears every once in a while, but now I can cry without them.  Maybe you could say that my tears have evolved.  Maybe you could say I cry every moment of everyday.  Sadness doesn't feel like sadness anymore, but more like comfort,  and it will hit me, at random times - when I'm folding my laundry, when I'm driving home, when I'm out with friends.  It gives me goosebumps and butterflies and I can't quite catch my breath.  It feels almost like serenity, like anticipation.  It feels almost like love.
Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep their tongue from evil
and their lips from deceitful speech.
They must turn from evil and do good;
they must seek peace and pursue it.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 9 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge;6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.
i once had a thousand desires, but in my one desire to know you, all else melted away.
rumi

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Impressionism

Wild and reckless, your eyes stare, untamed
I see the perfection in even your imperfections
They are just as they should be
They speak of Truth, in a language all their own
For in your beauty and your completeness, I saw you
Though you did not see me, I saw you
I know you, though you do not know yourself, nor the world around you
I know you, I know you more than I know myself
I know you by your True Name
I speak it, and you glow with a reality all your own
You stare, and I stare back into your eyes that cannot see
As I breathe upon your surface that is depth
You make me sure of a reality that never existed before you
And a future that you will never know.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

"Some people meet the way the sky meets the earth— inevitably, and there is no stopping or holding back their love. It exists in a finished world, beyond the reach of common sense." —
Louise Erdrich

Sunday, May 20, 2012

cool



Bucket list:

Climb a mountain
Build a house
raft white waters
go camping
surf
sew more
see macchu picchu
Save the top of the Eiffel Tower, London Eye, and Empire State Building until you're in love
celebrate the lantern festival in thailand, and holi in India
hike the grand canyon
learn conversational spanish and french
go to airport, book random ticket anywhere, go
scuba dive the great barrier reef 
slide on a glacier
cartwheel through the snow
play the guitar
paint more
canoe the fjords 
take a train through the highlands
float in the dead sea
walk from Nazareth to Jerusalem
visit Petra
see the Bohdi tree
touch the Ganges
go hunting
go on a safari
visit every continent
get married
have red headed kids
adopt
teach them all the things I wish I'd learned earlier
fill a room to the brim with balloons
bungee jump
kayak with whales
ski the Rockies
own a motor cycle, preferably Triumph
buy a pair a loubitons
See the Louvre, the Tate, a Starry Night
have a snow ball fight
roadtrip across America
grow a garden
raise chickens
touch the gargoyles on Notre Dame
make a difference in patients' lives
get published
teach and lead in my field
see the Sistine Chapel, St. Peter's Basilica, the David
run a B&B when old
Love
never settle

Wednesday, May 16, 2012



This officially cements my obsession. Genius. 



The songs are there. They exist all by themselves just waiting for someone to write them down. I just put them down on paper. If I didn't do it, somebody else would.


Book of Isaiah, Chapter 21, verses 5-9:
Prepare the table, watch in the watchtower, eat, drink: arise ye princes, and prepare the shield.
For thus hath the Lord said unto me, Go set a watchman, let him declare what he seeth.
And he saw a chariot with a couple of horsemen, a chariot of asses, and a chariot of camels; and he hearkened diligently with much heed.
...And, behold, here cometh a chariot of men, with a couple of horsemen. And he answered and said, Babylon is fallen, is fallen, and all the graven images of her gods he hath broken unto the ground."