Friday, August 17, 2012

Psm 88

You battered my heart, Three Person God, with such voracity when I was young, that my ears fell deaf to all other forms of Love.  I have lamented now, for years, to hear the beat of your Love as I once had, the drum shutting in my heart from the cruelties of a world I don't understand.  I've mourned the dark night of my soul for so long now, watching as the rhythm slowly faded to a silence, and the darkness crept upon me like a whisper.
I am poured out like water.  
In the midst now of my own existential loneliness, I can reflect clearly upon this feeling of abandonment, and see it for what it is.  You have blinded me to your presence, which I once felt utterly consumed by, so that I may be aware of my own.  I must not wander through this valley as a ghost, anxiously awaiting you to call me Home, but I must experience this place, in its fullness, in all that you have made for us by your glory.  
I must live; I must hurt; I must love.  
My actions will be my prayers to you, my Love: your glorification.  I will forever love you with my whole soul, and I know that you love each of us with a power beyond my imaginings, but la noche oscura del alma is upon me now, as it seems to be upon the world itself, and instead of shrinking from it, instead of feeling sorrow for myself and loneliness for lack of you, I now choose to embrace it.  I will never stop loving you, but I will begin to try and love this world with the same contentment that I've only ever found in you.  For this world is but a manifestation of your glory, and in the clouds, and in the streams, and in the people, I will find your face. 
As you have loved me, so will I love.  Only then will the stone be rolled away, only then can I place my fingers in your side and be transformed.

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.  If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another.

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